Establishing a parenting plan after a divorce or separation that is both realistic and beneficial for all parties involved is crucial. A vital component of this plan is the parenting time schedule. As your children learn to adjust to these changes in their lives, understanding how they feel and what they need to feel secure will help guide you in establishing a parenting time schedule that’s best for your children.
Though it may seem difficult to balance everyone’s needs, there are ways to come up with a regular schedule that can accommodate your needs as well the needs of the other parent, while keeping your children’s best interests at the forefront of the plan.
Familiarize Yourself with Schedule Options
There are many variations of a parenting time schedule. As each family situation is unique and changes over time, it’s helpful to familiarize yourself with many different types of arrangements. A 50/50 schedule allows a child to have equal and consistent time with parents. A 60/40 schedule is also consistent and fairly equal. A 70/30 schedule allows a child to have an established home base while still getting time with their other parent. An 80/20 schedule is typically considered sole custody, as the child lives mostly with one parent while still having opportunities to stay with their other parent.
Within each of these schedules, there are plans to accommodate different schedules based on work, school, activities, and whether parents live in proximity to each other or long-distance travel is required. Will your children visit their other parent every weekend, every extended weekend, every two weeks, or on alternating weeks? This will depend on your children’s needs as well as their activities and the distance between their parents. Spend time looking at each option so you can begin to have an idea of which schedules are better options for your children’s particular situation.
Ask the Right Questions
You may have to sit down and ask yourself a list of questions to help flesh out an idea of how to start planning. You don’t have to have it all figured out, but sometimes brainstorming obstacles and potential solutions for the many variables can help you have a clearer vision of where to start. It’s also an opportunity to reflect on your children and what their unique needs are.
There are many helpful factors to consider when establishing parenting time. Ask yourselves: Where should our children be during the week? On schooldays? On weekends? What about summer break? Vacations? Holidays or special occasions? Who will be in charge of which activities? Homework? At what times? You will also have to factor in things such as your child’s age, how well they cope with change, distance and transportation costs, and if one parent has a busier schedule or travels for work.
It may seem like a lot to consider, but the more detailed and specific you are, the better you can accommodate for your children’s ages, experiences, abilities, and personalities so you can come up with a plan that is regular, consistent, and provides for your children’s needs.
Use a Calendar
This may initially seem like a lot to juggle before routine becomes more established, so creating a calendar can be extremely helpful. Mapping out where your children will be and when will help you stay organized and feel less overwhelmed. It will also help you determine if the plan is working or if any changes need to be made.
If changes do need to be made, make sure to communicate with the other parent so an agreement can be reached in writing. Once you reach an agreement, make sure to explain the changes to your children and why they are necessary. It will help them understand and may make transitions easier.
Watch and Listen to Your Children
You know your children best and will most likely be able to tell how they’re coping with their new schedule. Watch your children and gauge how they’re responding. Talk to them and truly listen, as well as observe their actions for any identifiers for how they seem to be doing. Not every child will be forthright with their feelings, but there may be telling clues in their behavior.
If there’s a change in their behavior or it seems that they’re not doing well, you may need to make changes to the schedule. Talk to their other parent to see if there are areas that can be fixed. It may help your children to talk about these changes and how they feel. Depending on their ages, they may be able to directly tell you what they need.
If they’re too young to clearly communicate, let them talk anyway. You may be able to get a better sense of what their needs are, even if your children don’t directly express them. Most children give signs that you as a parent can pick up on. Adjust, listen, and learn, and readjust if necessary. In the process, make sure they know how much you love them, that you will take care of them, and that the divorce or separation is not their fault.
If you need legal representation or advice for separation, divorce, custody, establishing parenting time, or any other related issue, contact our experienced team at Warren Allen LLP. Our team of family law attorneys is here to help you with your family’s unique needs.
Be Flexible
In most cases, children feel most secure when they have a consistent, reliable routine. However, life has many variables, and your children may have times where flexibility is required. For instance, if it’s time for your children to go to their other parent’s house but they’re not feeling well, you may have to re-evaluate what’s best for your child that day. Also, as they grow older or activities change, their needs may change as well. Make sure that you and their other parent have a plan for adaptability. You may want to check in regularly and meet with their other parent during certain stages of their life to see if making changes to parenting time is best.
Though change can be difficult, having a better understanding of your children’s needs and a working knowledge of available schedules will help you establish a parenting time schedule that’s best for your children so they feel healthy, loved, and secure.
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