You’ll find many articles advising you that you need to have the self-confidence to get the best jobs or find the right partner, but it isn’t a quality you can conjure up out of thin air. If you don’t have much self-confidence, then wishing you had more isn’t going to help! However, there are steps you can take to help you gain more confidence, and once you develop a little more, it becomes easier to take it further and become truly self-confident. Here are the kinds of questions you should be asking yourself and the steps you can take to address these issues.
Why is your self-confidence low?
There are so many possible reasons people may lack self-confidence that you could write a book on the subject – and in fact, many books have been written on the subject! It is essential to find out why you feel a lack of confidence in yourself because knowing the cause will help you take the most appropriate action.
Many cases of low self-confidence stem from feeling you lack the abilities to take on a particular task or role. This may be true, and if it’s a skill shortage that’s the problem, the best way to remedy the situation is to acquire the skills you need. That could be going on a parenting course if you doubt your abilities as a mom or dad, or it could be a training course for your job. In these cases, once you’ve got the skills and knowledge you need, your confidence should return.
Many other cases of low self-confidence are due to more deep-seated psychological and emotional causes. If acquiring the right skills for the job doesn’t alleviate your fears, then low self-esteem could well be to blame. It’s irrational to believe you’re incapable of achieving a goal or completing a task in the face of evidence to the contrary, and if you find yourself in this position, you may need to try some self-help techniques for improving self-esteem or consider a course of professional counseling.
The roots of self-confidence lay in your childhood more often than not, but it’s not only abused and neglected children who grow up with feelings of low self-esteem or a lack of confidence. Children who have been loved and nurtured can also be affected by Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN), where even the most well-intentioned of parents fail to provide the attention and emotional feedback children need to grow up with healthy emotions.
How do you see yourself?
You might be surprised to learn that scientific studies show convincing evidence that making changes physically can improve your mood and feelings of self-confidence. When you feel down, or you want to stay unnoticed, your body language will be submissive, i.e., hunched back, rounded shoulders, head down, taking small steps. If without any other intervention, you try walking tall, looking ahead, and striding as you walk, these actions make you feel better.
Part of people’s reluctance to walk tall is the fear of being noticed, either because you don’t feel good about how you look, you don’t think much of your own abilities, or most commonly, a combination of the two. If you don’t feel happy about the way you look, ask yourself what you could change that would make you feel happier about your appearance. A common example is feeling ashamed of your smile. Society favors those with straight, white teeth, so if yours are discolored, crooked, or damaged, it can have a severe effect on your willingness to smile and talk to people. Restoring your smile is perfectly possible, you just need to contact a qualified and experienced dental surgery like Ideal Dentistry and make an appointment, to see how they can give you back a sparkling smile.
Body dysmorphia and eating disorders
Sometimes people believe their appearance is what’s holding them back and they obsess about a part of their body they perceive as being ugly or flawed, when in fact the real cause is a mental health condition called body dysmorphic disorder. That’s why some people have multiple plastic surgeries or obsess about their looks because they think if they achieve their idea of a physical ideal, it will change their lives.
Eating disorders are another manifestation of this belief, but if you don’t see your physical self as it truly is, you won’t be able to make the best choices about your health and wellbeing. For example, anorexics see themselves as fat when they look in a mirror, even when they’re unhealthily underweight. Therefore, you need to be confident that there aren’t underlying causes for your feelings about yourself before booking an appointment with a plastic surgeon.
Dress to impress
Dressing well is another way that you can make yourself feel better when you lack self-confidence. Just like walking tall and looking up, wearing an outfit that you feel smart in and making the effort to be well groomed can go a long way towards helping you feel better. That doesn’t mean you have to wear designer clothes and be perfectly made up every day; it just means wearing something that you like and that gives you a feeling of confidence. If you wear your baggiest pants and don’t comb your hair before heading off to the store, you’re not going to feel very confident about how you look!
Getting help
If you’ve tried addressing the causes of your low self-confidence to no avail, don’t be afraid to seek help. Looking after your mental wellbeing is just as important as your physical health, so if your thinking is skewed, you might be best to consult a therapist with experience in this field. Left untreated, your mental state could quickly deteriorate, to the point where you become physically and mentally ill.
We’re always envious of people who seem effortlessly poised and confident, but you don’t know how much effort they’ve had to put into building their self-esteem over the years. You can be just as confident as the people you envy you find out what’s behind your feelings and take the appropriate action to resolve your problems.
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