In different countries, the mourning process varies wildly, but one thing never changes is grief. Grief affects everyone and can make life very difficult for those left behind after a loved one dies. It’s important to understand that grief is natural and normal and that it shouldn’t be ignored. Grief can even be a healthy, cathartic process. Here are some ways to grieve healthily which should help you through this sad time.
Don’t Rush
When someone dies, there seems to be a big rush to try to get everything done straight away – to do away with the fact of death as quickly as possible. While that might be something that some people prefer, don’t allow yourself to be rushed if you don’t want to. Unless the body of your loved one needs to be removed for medical reasons to determine the cause of death, for example, then feel free to sit with them for as long as you need to. Just sitting quietly can be a good way to start the healthy grieving process. It will also alleviate some of the fears associated with death and the unknown. You will feel a lot more peaceful if there isn’t a lot of bustling activity around you; activity designed to disguise the fact that a death has occurred as soon as possible.
Take Time Before A Clear Out
It can be hugely tempting to have a purge on everything that the passed person previously owned, to get it out of the house and over to Goodwill or stored away somewhere. Some of it might even end up at the dump. Don’t do this too soon, though. You may regret it. You might want to take a look through their clothes, their belongings, and may wish to browse through photo albums or listen to their favorite CDs. If you move too fast, you will lose this opportunity, and you’ll feel even worse about everything. Leave it a little while. Leave it until you start to really heal. Then you can sort through their possessions with a clear mind. It can be traumatic for others to come in and find no evidence of their loved one in the place they lived, and that’s particularly true for children, who will find it harder to understand the death and grieving process. When you are ready to clear away their things, you will be in a much better frame of mind.
Make A Memorial
Far from being strange or morbid, making a small memorial to your loved one is a wonderful idea. Just a photo on a table with a small number of their personal objects is enough. You might choose to have Personalised Keepsakes of the items if there are some special things that you particularly want to have there. You can add flowers throughout the year to keep things looking pleasant and fresh. This is a good spot for reflecting on things and keeping their memory alive. It’s also a good way for children to come to terms with losing someone close to them, as they will always have the memory to keep them secure.
Enjoy The Natural World
Nature is an amazing healer. Just getting outside and going for a long walk can make you feel instantly much better, especially if you breathe in deeply and let your lungs fill up. It will certainly help with the healing process. Another way to connect with nature is to plant a memorial garden for your deceased loved one. The entire tangible process of making the Earth ready, of going out shopping for the plants or seeds, planting them and then maintaining them, is a good way to lose yourself in the moment while also being in tune with nature and with your grief. It won’t make the pain go away, but it may help in lessening it.
Don’t Give In To The Pressure
People around you might start to tell you that it’s time to ‘move on’ and clear out the closet, throw away books, start to get out more and meet new people. It can be – and usually is – done with all good intentions, but you can only start the process of moving on when you are completely ready to do so. For some, that’s a matter of a few weeks, for others its months, and for others still, it is years. Everyone is different, and that’s why you should not let anyone tell you how quickly you should stop grieving, and how soon you should start to get back to normal. Life has changed. You will have changed. Everything and everyone around you is a little different now. If it takes you a while to adjust to that, that’s fine. Don’t move on before you’re ready. Otherwise, your grieving will be extended rather than diminished.
Don’t Bottle It Up
One of the worst things you can do with your grief is to bottle it up and pretend that everything is fine when it is not. This is damaging to your mental health and can even have implications when it comes to your physical health too, resulting in raised blood pressure. Instead, acknowledge the feelings and the pain you are experiencing and understand that they are as much a part of life as anything else. There is no shame in crying, shouting or needing to be alone. Equally, there is no shame in smiling and laughing and remembering the good times you shared with your lost loved one. Your grief is different to anyone else’s, so just let it happen as it needs to, and you’ll feel better for it in the end.
Rest
It’s important to let your mind and body heal after the trauma and the shock of what has just happened. Take time off work if you can and spend that time relaxing and being peaceful. Don’t rush about, and don’t try to do everything. Don’t fill up the empty space in your life with activity. Just rest. To do otherwise could have damaging results both mentally and physically. It could result in the pain going on for much longer.
Leave a Reply